1. Do you neglect to return phone calls, even though the applicant has washed your car, bought you dinner twice and gotten to know your relatives on a first-name basis?

a) yes

b) no

2. What do you look for in an applicant?

a) self confidence

b) experience in the same field

c) the patient resignation of someone accustomed to earning substandard wages

3. How would you describe your managerial style?

a) hippie

b) nazi

c) both

4. Why would I want to work for you?

a) you are the Rocky Mountain West's premier retailer of fine leather smell

b) great bennies - 10% employee discount on the same food you throw away

c) gain valuable experience in the service sector, angst

5. Have you ever hired a beautiful woman over a talented man?

a) yes

b) no

6. Have you ever hired a beautiful man over a talented woman?

a) yes

b) no

7. Why did you hire your stoner friend instead of me?

a) was more beautiful than you

b) was more talented than you

c) got me high, and I lost your application

8. How can you expect an applicant to have 20 years of dishwashing experience?

a) we just can

b) we like our employees "work hardened"

c) you've got to start somewhere

9. Is that position still open?

a) sorry, it closed yesterday

b) we're just taking applications

c) how many years of dishwashing experience do you have?

d) do you burn?

e) all of the above

10. Can I call you on Monday?

a) no, but thanks for dinner

b) sure - I'll be in the office between 3:15 and 3:17, and if I'm not there, just leave a message

-Ole Bye



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