Diver,

I have this friend who only acts “environmentally conscious” when it’s Earth Week or when he’s trying to impress a girl. Otherwise he litters and sprays his smelly aerosol deodorant all over the place. Would it be right of me to call this guy a hypocrite?

– Lance, via e-mail

Dear Lance,

I’m not sure why your friend pretends to be more aware of his surroundings during this specific week, but surely a young buck like yourself has misrepresented himself to gain the fancy of a young philly at one time or another. Don’t hold that against him, it’s been a long, cold winter...

–Thanks, Diver

I feel like I am constantly being put down by my older brothers. They got better grades than me, did better at sports, and everyone lets me know it! What can I do? I’m starting to get angry.

– Mike in Bayfield

Dear Mike in Bayfield,

We can definitely relate...to your brothers. Like them, we have cast shadows over the under achievements of our siblings. One sure-fire way to win back the respect of friends and family would be to tape an episode of “Jeopardy” and study the hell out of it, and at the next family gathering slip it in and blow ‘em away with your knowledge, maybe even place some bets with your brothers. To quote a mentor, “take the money and run.”

– Good luck, Diver

Diver,

There is this family that lives across the street from me. They flip out every time someone parks in front of or close to the space directly in front of the house. This is starting to really make me mad, especially because the woman who yells is old. I don’t want to yell at an old lady, but I’m close. What should I do?

– Matt, via e-mail

Dear Matt,

If this woman is as old as you say then certainly she must understand the concept of taxation, show her your tax returns and put that baby to bed. Makes perfect sense huh?

– Diver