| Diver,
Is organic food a scam? How about over-the-counter
medicine? I can drink a bottle of Nyquil and my cough doesn’t
go away, and a $1.50 can of “organic” black beans
tastes just like a .69-cent can of generic black beans. What
do you think?
– McLean
McLean,
Organic food: No. Over-the-counter medicine: Yes. Your cough:
Try a vaporizer. The black beans: Well, there’s accounting
for taste! Fatten up McLean, you should have gone to Skinny’s!
– Signed, The “scamming, medicated,
vaporized so you can get through a shift” Diver
Diver, Six
months ago, I served on a selection committee for the hiring
of a new employee at my work. Well, they hired the person I
didn’t want, he worked for six months, did nothing and
then quit. We’ve since replaced him with someone more
competent. However I still want to say “I told you so”
to the other people on the committee, especially the people
who strongly recommended the original person. Is that childish?
– Roger
Roger,
I’ve always subscribed to the old theory on training
dogs. Sometimes when they crap in the house you have to rub
their nose in it. But saying “I told you so” would
rank up there with schmucks who bitch about dogs being off their
leashes. Instead just be extremely sarcastic. Refer to fellow
committee members as “insightful one” or “he-who-makes-bad-decisions-so-we-can-all-work-harder
one.” It works for me! Remember, you’ll always look
better than the ones with crap on their nose. Ga ga goo goo,
has anyone seen my pacifier?
– Diver
Dear Diver,
I keep seeing that “Seinfeld” episode
where George “double dips” his chip into some form
of party snack dip. Is that really rude? I’m just wondering,
I had a party recently and my father kept double dipping, triple
dipping and then some! And he is a stickler for “good”
manners. What do you think?
– Laurie
Laurie,
First off, your dad must be an animal. I want to party with
him. Well, maybe not, I don’t need the competition. We’ve
all been busted by friends or significant others for dipping
our “chips” or for thinking about dipping our “chip”
in some form of “party snack.” Though I don’t
call mine “chip,” the “master” is more
fitting. After consulting the Bill Clinton sexual etiquette
handbook, I must say distorted honesty is best. If you can get
away with it. Rock on.
– Loving the triple double, Diver
|
|
Diver: Josh
from Skinny’s
Facts: Skinny’s Grill co-owner
Josh Rosenthal takes a break from skiing ...oops, I mean
working, to “spread the love” through his
infinite wisdom. Skinny’s is also one of the longest-running
supporters of the Telegraph.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
My 6- and 8-year-olds are obsessed with “fart”
jokes and the like. I was wondering where they learned this
because neither me nor their stepfather engage in this behavior.
One day they were talking to their father on the phone, and
I could tell from the conversation that he was farting into
the phone from his home. What do you do when the father of your
children is more childish than the children themselves?
– Concerned Mom
Concerned Mom,
Well I would definitely recommend telling your children to
wipe off the phone at their dad’s house before using it.
Then I’d offer up one of those wisdom-packed phrases like
“Do as I say, not as I do.” Let one rip, laugh for
10 minutes, and then show them what a Dutch oven is.
– Flatulently yours,
Diver
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