Does voting really work? It seems to me like it
doesn’t. I’m sick of voting for someone and then
the other person wins. What do you think?
– Ellen, via e-mail
You have to vote! The Electoral College sucks (no, they don’t
have fraternities, either) but if you don’t vote you’ll
end up dropping out of school and eating your dinner at Homeslice.
Or worse, you’ll wind up working there.A0
– Thanks, Divers
like to party. I met a girl who looks really good but doesn’t
like to party. Should I pursue her?
You party animal. The Book of Mormon states, “Thou shalt
be balanced ...” (Nephi 69:69). Marry that sweet, good-looking
angel. However, find another wife that likes to party, and that
way you can have the best of both worlds; one woman to party
with and another to be your designated driver. Also, make sure
that your prude wife can cook a mean breakfast.
– We like ours over easy, Divers
thinking about going to Fort Lewis College (I live in Denver
but lived in Durango until I was 12.) I like Durango, but my
father wants me to go to CU Boulder and be in the fraternity
he was in. I think fraternities are stupid and cliquey and full
of meatheads. What should I do, because I need my dad to pay
for college. Your thoughts?
– Henry, via e-mail
Dear No Balls Hank,
Be your own man, damnit! You will spend the next eight years
of your life getting your bachelor’s degree, it may as
well be in a place where you want to be. Also, I hate to break
this to you, but if your father was in a fraternity he has yet
to come out of the closet. Therefore you are a miracle child
and your mother is awfully lonely. Your father doesn’t
happen to own a pizza joint on College Ave, does he? Tell your
Ma to give us a call sometime.
Elder BC, Elder JR, Elder Terry and Elder Jeff from the
Olde School House
Facts: If you read this column
regularly, all we can say is “touché”
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
or by fax at 259-0448.
My mom wants me to become a nun, but I don’t
want to. She is over-the-top religious and lately I’ve
been questioning the beliefs she has taught me. Should I follow
my heart? I know the answer is yes, but how can I make my mom
Don’t live your life for your hypocritical mother. If
she were so resolute in her religious beliefs, she would have
been a nun herself, and you would have never been born. Obviously,
she is not a nun. Don’t follow in her sordid footsteps,
follow the steps of righteousness on a path of everlasting ...
well ... everlasting. Become L.D.S. Contact Cory Kitch.