| Diver,
I’m having a problem with warts, and not the
kind you get on your hands from touching a toad. I’m not
sure what they look like. I know you are not a doctor, but how
do you identify them?
– Curious, Mandy
Mandy,
In times like these, we find it soothing to consult photographs
sent by you of said infection. However, unless you’ve
been bare-backing a bullfrog, it’s doubtful you’ll
enjoy our prognosis.
– Our best,
Divers
Dear Diver, Was Anthony Michael Hall
(the scrawny geek who lusted after Molly Ringwald in “Sixteen
Candles”) an official member of the Brat Pack? I say yes
because he starred in “The Breakfast Club” and “Sixteen
Candles,” which garners him instant entrance into the
elite ’80s club of big hair, substance-abuse problems
and type casting. However, some of my friends argue that since
Hall was younger than the rest of the Brat Pack, he was not
a true member. What do you think (aside from the fact that there
are bigger problems plaguing the world)?
– Jenny on the mesa
Jenny,
Being the Mormon fundamentalists we were “chosen”
to be, it has been decided that it was his role as “Gary”
the super chic geek in Weird Science that secures Hall a spot
in Brat-Packdom. How is this you ask? Because brat co-star Robert
“I haven’t slept in weeks” Downey Jr. makes
a solid three films with the pack. However, this cinematic trifecta
is 85 forget it. You know Jenny, there are indeed bigger problems
plaguing the world, so remember, movies are fiction, eternal
salvation is real.
– Thanks,
Divers
|
| Divers:
Shane and Phoenix from Ken & Sue’s
Facts: Shane and Phoenix are
the lewdest diving team in the column’s history.
Proceed at your own risk.
.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Are fans of the “Lord of the Rings” film
series the Trekkies of the new millenium? I know history repeats
itself, but having to withstand two such trends in a lifetime
is more than one person should have to endure.
– Marissa, Durango
Marissa,
Do you remember that scene from “The Shining” when
the little boy wrote “redrum” on the wall and then
kept repeating it? Well, last night when the Phoenix and I were
painting turtles, we did that with your name. Wow, did we have
a hoot with that. It even eased the pain that the Patriot Act
has brought to our door. I suggest you try it yourself. Write
your name on the wall, read it in the mirror and run around
chanting it as your own personal mantra. Loudly: Marissa. Marissa.
Marissa. Forget not, it is what you do with the time you are
given that matters most.
– Thanks, Divers
P.S. Have you totally forgotten the prime directive?
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