| Diver,
Is it customary for restaurants to add gratuity
on take-out orders? I think that’s kind of rude.
– Mac Stevenson,
via e-mail from Bayfield
Mac,
How fitting. You’re asking someone in the food service
industry how they feel about gratuity. What are you, retarded??
Of course I’m for it. Hell, if I had my druthers, gratuity
would not only be mandatory, but it would lie in the 25-27 percent
range. Why?? Because we are paid a pittance to serve dimwits
... hold on a second ... I’m sorry, you asked about take
out? Toss whomever rings your tab a buck or two, just because
you’re a good person. Admittedly a bit unnecessary, though
quite a gesture.
– Tipping when I cannot afford to,
Diver
Dear Diver, Someone
who lives near my home still has his Christmas decorations up.
I have no problem with this during the holiday season, but there
is a time and place for everything. Shouldn’t there be
some sort of ordinance that requires people to remove such things
by a certain date?
– Sincerely,
VT Olson, Jr.
VT,
Some sort of ordinance? You fascist. I hate you. Seriously.
Let people express themselves and their American-bred apathy
anyway they damn well choose.
– I love Satan Claus,
Diver
|
| Diver:
Jon Lynch of the Sow’s Ear
Facts: “For the last time!!!
I AM NOT A DIVER...I sling booze two days a week and wait
tables for the other three. I polish silverware and countless
racks of pint glasses, but by no means am I a...wait...
why are you writing this down?”
.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
What’s the best way to be accepted within
an “in” crowd?
– Lars
Oh Lars...Lars, Lars, Lars, Lars, Lars.
You sadden me so. Sigh. The “in” crowd? Sweet,
bloody hell. The very last thing you should care about is something
so trivial. But if you must, I have found that beating the aforementioned
crowd with little to no mercy guarantees your place within their
good graces.
– I maintain against the grain,
Diver
Dear Diver,
I keep going to concerts in town and getting “shushed.”
You know, people tell me to shut up. I don’t think I’m
very loud or talk too much, but this keeps happening. Are people
out to get me or just rude?
– Howie,
via e-mail
Howie,
Hmmmm ...this is a toughie. On the one hand, I can empathize
with whomever shushed your ass. You are there for the performance,
yes? And for you to detract from others’ enjoyment of
the show is pretty roguish and would certainly piss this Diver
right off. I don’t want to hear your jabber-jawing ass,
I want to hear the music. And who are you talking to, anyway?
You know what, on second thought, the other hand is of no consequence
to me. Shut yer yapper.
– Tripping hippies as they twirl by,
then fake-helping them back to their feet,
Diver
|
