Why do white people constantly attempt to steal the culture of other people? For example, the large number of kids in the mostly white Midwest attempting to act like rapping gangsters, or white kids all over the U.S. thinking they are Native Americans? Are they just confused?


Dear Ted,
American culture is quite syncretic. That is, it absorbs many different cultural attributes from within and without. So it's no surprise to see insecure teenagers from Waukon, Iowa, (for instance), emulating different subcultures that seem really cool. (It is interesting to note, however, that inner-city youths aren't wearing cowboy hats and listening to Brooks and Dunn). Personally, I think Midwestern youths should be listening to a little more smooth jazz. MmHmm ... that stuff makes me wanna make love!

-Take it easy,


People in this town drive like morons... what is the best way to stop people from tailgating me?


in Durango

The best way to stop someone from tailgating you is to stop. Stop in the middle of your lane and see how the tailgater reacts. I bet he goes around you.

-Keep it real,



Diver: Dan Groth from the Buzz House

Facts: Dan was elected the "Diver of 2003" and voted to kick off 2004.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,
I think my brother is a transvestite! I was in his apartment recently and found a bunch of womens clothes in his closet. I don't think he has a girlfriend however. Should I ask him? Tell my parents? Spy on him? What should I do without seeming like I'm invading his lifestyle?


Try this. Dress up like a man you know: top hat, tuxedo, pencilled-in moustache, etc. then invite your brother over for dinner. Don't say anything about your outfit and don't answer his inquiries about it. If he is a transvestite, he may just spill the beans. As a bonus, you will also discover the awesome power that a moustache confers on an individual.

-Happy New Year,


Dear Diver,
I'm writing to see what you can tell me about a problem we had on Christmas Day. My very obnoxious uncle, who chose to get very drunk, insulted a friend of mine and called him a derogatory term. So my friend punched him, knocking him down into my mom's coffee table, which then broke. As you can imagine, this ruined Christmas. Now my mom is mad at me and my friend and her brother, and my uncle wants to sue my friend. I'm in the middle. Any advice?

-Stuck, via email

Dear Stuck,
First, buy a new coffee table for your mom. Then, you should get a professional mediator to avoid an unnecessary lawsuit and truly heal
the rifts that have opened up in your family. Only after all this can you give your uncle the sucker punch he so deserves.





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