Dear Diver,

How come I sometimes see people walking around in shorts in the wintertime? Minutes ago I saw two students on campus trucking through snow in shorts and sandals. Are these people insane, or do they just think they are cool?

- BJ, Durango


Well, we go to college in order to learn more and be less stupid. The two students up on campus that you observed are trying their best. Hopefully after another eight years, the two morons will finally get there.

- Thanks, Diver


Why is the East Coast so crowded?

- Mike


I guess that you didn't see that Arnold won in California. I've never even been east of the Missouri, and I'm a native of California, and I feel like taking a drive across the Atlantic.

- Thanks, Diver
Dear Diver,

What's the best way to keep the pounds off during this holiday season? This is not the time to diet! I like to eat, but don't want to put on another 20 pounds this Christmas like I did last year.

- Freshman-not-so-15

Dear Freshman 15,

I would take a tai-chi trip to Hawaii over the holidays and get in touch with my spiritual, vegetarian side. Or I would tell the matron of the family to stop feeding you chocolate-covered pork in troughs over the holidays.

- Good luck,

Jeff Keefe from Cuckoos

Cuckoos takes the lead in being Diver breeding ground. Perhaps it's the lack of natural light in the bar and kitchen


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.



My brother has been partying way too much lately, and I'm worried. He drinks every night, sleeps all day and is usually a) drunk b) cranky and mean or c) both. How can I tell him to lay off the sauce and get his **** together?

- Laura


Tell him to start working with me at the restaurant. He would be surrounded by people who related with him and understood him, instead of dealing with a screeching sister like yourself.

- Butt out, Diver



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