I experience serious anxiety
when I travel by plane. I get
nervous and go through the fear
of the plane crashing. What can
I do to calm myself, because I
hear I have nothing to worry


Dear Mike,

Why fly at all? There is no reason to
leave our gorgeous mountain town in
the first place, and secondly, those tiny
cigar-planes they fly from the La Plata
Airport won’t do anything to ease your
fears. But if you feel you must get on
an airplane and leave Durango, don’t
forget your three amigos, Jack, Jim and
Jose. With them at your side, you
won’t even notice when the flight
attendant advises you to brace yourself
for impact.

-Happy trails,


People at my work keep getting
into my desk and work
area when I am not there and
screwing things up. It’s like
working with 4-year-olds. I’m
about to start putting traps
around my space to catch and
perhaps discipline the people
wrecking my stuff. Is that fair?

– About to go Postal


Hey! Leave the poor kids alone!
Kindergartners can’t help their natural
curiosity, and maybe you should
consider a career other than teaching
if this is bothering you so much.
If you’re determined to stick with
your job, however, maybe you
should set out peanut butter crackers
as a distraction. Those little kids
love snack time.

- Thanks,

Dear Diver,

I fear my nanny is beating or mistreating my young child. Is it unconstitutional to set up secret cameras around the house to catch her red-handed?

– A Concerned Father

To the Concerned Father,

I suggest you turn your nanny in to the U.S. government as a terrorist. They will set up spy cameras in your house, free of charge and regardless of the constitution.A0But that means they will beA0watching you too, so be careful, Dad!

– Yours,

The Diver

P.S. Child abuse is a serious matter, and any real concerns should be directed to the local authorities

Diver: Jen from Nini’s

Facts: Another female diver, finally.
Hands down more reasonable and
wiser than the male divers, bringing
a dose of reality to this otherwise
ridiculous column.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

That show “Joe Millionaire” seems to paint the picture that all women are money-grubbing bitches who only seek romance that provides financial security. I would like to think that most women aren’t like that, but in my 25 years of dating, I have found that women are really only into men with nice cars, money, etc. Am I wrong, or perhaps looking in the wrong place? Because as far as I’m concerned, at this moment, reality television is very real, and women are shallow, selfish and stupid.

– Your thoughts? Lex

Ah Lex,

Have you ever considered that the reason you are still dating after 25 years is that you spend far too much time believing what you see on television? Also, I take it that you are not one of those men with nice cars and money, since by your theory you would be happily married by now. Finally, in my experience people tend to be attracted to those similar to them. So maybe if you spent a little more time away from the TV, improving character, you would no longer find yourself trying to date women who are shallow, selfish and stupid.

– Good luck! Diver




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