|
Dear Diver,
Am I the only one who thinks Chelsea Clinton is
hot? Aye-Yi-Yi! How should I go about getting a date with her?
- Thanks, Matt
Matt, Yes, you and you alone. Now while one man's trash is another man's treasure, this is over the top. I was told that when young Chelsea climbed the ugly tree she fell and hit every branch on the way down. As for those Bush Twins, hey now!
- You're Welcome,
Diver
Dear Diver,
There is a noticeable scar on my neck from surgery
I had recently. It's nothing I particularly care to talk about,
but people come into the place where I work and say things like,
"What happened? Dracula bite you?" or, "Who gave you the hickey?"
Got any snappy comebacks I can use, other than "none of your
damn business."
- Adam
Yo Adam, Anytime you are given the green light to threaten someone with violence, do it. Maybe if the punk had his own scar he would resist his ignorant urges. Of course you could tell them that you donated your esophagus to save a dying child's life. That would shut 'em up.
- Good luck,
Diver
|
|
Diver: Brian "Beezer" Lynagh from Trimble Hot Springs
Facts: Beez is a diver who cleans pools humans cook themselves in.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
I just had a baby. What kind of diapers do you
recommend?
- Curious,
in East Durango
Dear Curious,
I think the "Oops, I crapped my pants" line of diapers is
what you're lookin' for. But in these ecofriendly times, I believe
we really need to consider the old cloth style crap-grabber.
Sure they are messy but cost alone should make anyone lean that
way.
- Keep it clean, Diver
Dear Diver,
I need to get some friends a house-warming gift.
What do you recommend? I flat out suck at gift buying, it seems
like when I buy something the recipient already has it, or looks
at it like I'm wasting their time. What can I do?
- Lauren,
via email
Hi toots,
You're in luck. Klackers is a game that comes from right here
in good, old Durango and is perfect for the person that has
everything. In these times of corporate greed and big brother
meets big business, isn't it time we all started thinking and
acting locally. Besides, from now on when you visit them, there
is that easy ice breaker to get the party rolling! Of course,
if they have a swimming pool then a bucket of bromine goes a
long way.
- Keep Klackin, Diver
|
