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Dear Diver,
What does it say about a man's character (not to mention
his hygiene) if he never makes his bed and always has dishes
piled in his kitchen sink?
- Not His Mother
Dear Not his Mother, These activities or lack thereof imply this guy is a free spirit, a nonconformist. This guy looks the world in the eye and says, "You don't know me, I can do what I want." As far as hygiene goes, I am sure he knows a splash of Old Spice a day keeps the shower away. - Sincerely, The Diver
Diver,
ATM machines have been around for about 10 years now. So why
the hell does it still take some people (I'll call them morons)
forever to get their money? It's a matter of inserting a card
and pressing about three buttons. Is technology really just
too much for most humans?
- Elizabeth, Hermosa, via e-mail
Dear Elizabeth, Yes, these people are morons, taking minutes on end to get their money. Don't take me no time, you know I'm gonna git mine! I git paid, take care of my binnis. As far as inserting something and pressing some buttons, you know I am gonna make a fast withdrawal. These people need to listen to more gangsta rap, then they may learn the importance of promptly receiving their money from anything or any one. I'm out ... - The Diver
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Diver: Shane Larson from Cuckoos
Interesting Fact: Shane worked a stint as Huggy Bear's body double
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
My co-workers suck. All they do is bug me, ask
me dumb questions and constantly interrupt me when I am doing
things. They are rude as hell, and I can't take it anymore.
What do you suggest I do before I go completely Postal?
- Marge
Dear Marge,
Start by watching the movie "Office Space," make sure you
have some paper nearby to take notes that may help you. Second,
hire a feng shui consultant to help you decorate your cube in
a more peaceful, relaxing way. This could make all those questions
and interruptions seem trivial. Lastly, take all your guns and
ammo and toss them into the middle of a deep lake.
- The Diver
Dear Diver,
Is the punk music played on MTV legitimate? I
thought punk, back in the day, embodied a "Do It Yourself" ethic
and spoke out against oppression, the government and other issues
important to free thinkers. Now if I watch those lame punk bands
on MTV, all they do is sing about girls and high school. Your
thoughts?
- Jessie via e-mail
Dear Jessie,
First off, is there such a thing as legitimate punk? These
people are punks, there's nothing legitimate about them. Most
music you find on MTV is gonna suck - that's just a fact. As
far as speaking out on oppression, the only oppression these
"punks" have come across is getting ticketed for loitering in
Circle K parking lots. "Faults of the government" whatever,
those bands were around during the Reagan days. Remember, back
when everything was OK?
- The Diver
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