Dear Diver,

What does it say about a man's character (not to mention his hygiene) if he never makes his bed and always has dishes piled in his kitchen sink?

- Not His Mother

Dear Not his Mother,

These activities or lack thereof imply this guy is a free spirit, a nonconformist. This guy looks the world in the eye and says, "You don't know me, I can do what I want." As far as hygiene goes, I am sure he knows a splash of Old Spice a day keeps the shower away.

- Sincerely, The Diver


ATM machines have been around for about 10 years now. So why the hell does it still take some people (I'll call them morons) forever to get their money? It's a matter of inserting a card and pressing about three buttons. Is technology really just too much for most humans?
- Elizabeth, Hermosa, via e-mail

Dear Elizabeth,

Yes, these people are morons, taking minutes on end to get their money. Don't take me no time, you know I'm gonna git mine! I git paid, take care of my binnis. As far as inserting something and pressing some buttons, you know I am gonna make a fast withdrawal. These people need to listen to more gangsta rap, then they may learn the importance of promptly receiving their money from anything or any one. I'm out ...

- The Diver

Shane Larson from Cuckoos

Interesting Fact:
Shane worked a stint as Huggy Bear's body double


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

My co-workers suck. All they do is bug me, ask me dumb questions and constantly interrupt me when I am doing things. They are rude as hell, and I can't take it anymore. What do you suggest I do before I go completely Postal?
- Marge

Dear Marge,

Start by watching the movie "Office Space," make sure you have some paper nearby to take notes that may help you. Second, hire a feng shui consultant to help you decorate your cube in a more peaceful, relaxing way. This could make all those questions and interruptions seem trivial. Lastly, take all your guns and ammo and toss them into the middle of a deep lake.

- The Diver

Dear Diver,
Is the punk music played on MTV legitimate? I thought punk, back in the day, embodied a "Do It Yourself" ethic and spoke out against oppression, the government and other issues important to free thinkers. Now if I watch those lame punk bands on MTV, all they do is sing about girls and high school. Your thoughts?
- Jessie via e-mail

Dear Jessie,

First off, is there such a thing as legitimate punk? These people are punks, there's nothing legitimate about them. Most music you find on MTV is gonna suck - that's just a fact. As far as speaking out on oppression, the only oppression these "punks" have come across is getting ticketed for loitering in Circle K parking lots. "Faults of the government" whatever, those bands were around during the Reagan days. Remember, back when everything was OK?

- The Diver




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