Dear Diver:

Hello, hi. Longtime reader, first-time writer. I subscribe to PC Gamer, top-notch mag if you're ever stuck on any level, any game! But anyways, I always end up finding it in the bathroom, and I know my roommate has a reading problem when he's on the john. The thing is, I can't bring myself to touch it becauseall I can think aboutis it resting against his pasty white thighs. Eeewh! How do I get past this dilemma? Is it just me?


Dear Wayne,

I don't have Pac-Man or Missile Command anymore, so I really can't relate. But I do have a terrible case of Asteroids. I can't even sit on the toilet some days. It was caused by reading on the pot. Maybe you should mention this to your roommate.

Thanks, Diver

P.S. For illustration, visit

Dear Diver,

I had planned to move on my own to a different city and now my significant other wants to come with. Do you have any suggestions about couples moving? Is it a wise decision to move together?

-Confused in Durango

Dear Confused,

You must be very careful about moving in with a "significant other." If he/she is a hippie, snowboarder, climber or musician, don't even consider it. On the other hand, independent, wealthy people make great roommates or "significant others." As for whether it's wise to move together, the answer is NO. You live in paradise you idiot!


Diver: Carl Johnson, from Home Slice

Facts: Carl spent the summer in the Andes Mountains in Bolivia seeking enlightenment


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Why does sinning feel so good while you're doing it but hurt once you've done it? I'm not religious or anything, just curious.

Thanks, Jordan


If you're not religious, there is no such thing as sin. But if your "sinning" continues to hurt, try a more effective lubricant.

Good luck, Diver


My mother-in-law is always attempting to have religious discussions with me and even is trying to sell me on her religious beliefs. I usually just humor her, but it's getting to the point where I want to tell her to leave me and my beliefs alone. If I do however, I'll be caught in a crazy argument. What should I do? Basically, I'm sick of listening to her talk about god, heaven, hell and things like that.

Janet via e-mail

Dear Janet,

You are going to HELL. Tell your mother-in-law that those of us who have real faith have no need to convert people. We have no need for religious discussions, just the creature comforts and lots of them. Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, Amen.




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