Dear Diver:
Hello, hi. Longtime reader, first-time writer. I subscribe
to PC Gamer, top-notch mag if you're ever stuck on any level,
any game! But anyways, I always end up finding it in the bathroom,
and I know my roommate has a reading problem when he's on the
john. The thing is, I can't bring myself to touch it becauseall
I can think aboutis it resting against his pasty white thighs.
Eeewh! How do I get past this dilemma? Is it just me?
Wayne
Dear Wayne,
I don't have Pac-Man or Missile Command anymore, so I
really can't relate. But I do have a terrible case of Asteroids. I can't even sit on the toilet
some days. It was caused by reading on the pot. Maybe you should mention this to your
roommate.
Thanks, Diver
P.S. For illustration, visit www.marthastewart.com
Dear Diver,
I had planned to move on my own to a different city and now
my significant other wants to come with. Do you have any suggestions about couples moving? Is it a
wise decision to move together?
-Confused in Durango
Dear Confused,
You must be very careful about moving in with a
"significant other." If he/she is a hippie, snowboarder, climber or musician, don't even consider
it. On the other hand, independent, wealthy people make great roommates or "significant others."
As for whether it's wise to move together, the answer is NO. You live in paradise you
idiot!
-Diver
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Diver: Carl Johnson, from Home Slice
Facts:
Carl spent the summer in the Andes Mountains in Bolivia
seeking enlightenment
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Why does sinning feel so good while you're
doing it but hurt once you've done it? I'm not religious or
anything, just curious.
Thanks, Jordan
Jordan,
If you're not religious, there is no such thing
as sin. But if your "sinning" continues to hurt, try a more
effective lubricant.
Good luck, Diver
Diver,
My mother-in-law is always attempting to have
religious discussions with me and even is trying to sell me
on her religious beliefs. I usually just humor her, but it's
getting to the point where I want to tell her to leave me
and my beliefs alone. If I do however, I'll be caught in a
crazy argument. What should I do? Basically, I'm sick of listening
to her talk about god, heaven, hell and things like that.
Wondering,
Janet via e-mail
Dear Janet,
You are going to HELL. Tell your mother-in-law
that those of us who have real faith have no need to convert
people. We have no need for religious discussions, just the
creature comforts and lots of them. Hallelujah, Praise the
Lord, Amen.
Thanks,
Diver
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