Dear Diver,

I recently was a victim of the "Fashion Police." Unlike many in town, I find the "Fashion Police" column funny because I have a sense of humor and don't take myself too seriously. However, I would like to avoid seeing myself in there again. Where can I pick up fashion tips? I'm not looking to dress like I'm in New York or Paris, but I could use some help.

Jason in Durango

Dear Jason,

Your choice to think of yourself as a "victim" of the Fashion Police is disheartening. As far as I see it, the Fashion Police is a showcase for trendsetters to reach a larger audience, and while the wording that accompanies the photos is often sarcastic and may be construed as harsh, with total lack of concern for the "models'" feelings, it's important to realize this is how the ruthless world of fashion works.

Thanks, Diver

Dear Diver,

What's the best way to get rid of Pac-Man fever?


Dear Drug-Using-Club-Kid,

The government is here to help you With the recently passed "Rave Act," the government is hoping to eliminate social gatherings with DJ's (we'll call them "Raves") by holding promoters responsible for the actions of those in attendance .I know this seems a little insane, because you're thinking, "How can one person be held responsible for the actions of another person whose actions are a product of their own free will?" And while some argue that blame and punishment are being misguided onto innocent entrepreneurs, it is safe to assume that the "Rave Act" will stop kids from dancing all night long in dark rooms, listening to electronic music and eating "power pellets," thus further squelching any outbreaks of "Pac-Man Fever."

Good Luck,

Dear Diver,

A friend of mine says there is no such thing as luck. He says people make their own luck by effort and planning, etc. I say there is luck. How else do you explain Leonardo Dicaprio? I'll admit that for some of us, luck is finding a quarter on the street, and for other people luck is getting rescued off Niagara Falls, like that guy a few months back. But we all have luck to some degree, don't you think?

Ed K.,
via e-mail

Dear Ed-K,

Leonardo Dicaprio spent years turning tricks on the casting couches of Hollywood before he got a break. If you call that luck, I call you crazy! Luck is just another word for Life.


Diver: Steve Morris, of Homeslice

Facts: Steve is not only a champion of conspiracy, he is THE defender of the Fashion Police.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

I'm trying to hire a new assistant. Of the two finalists, one is a guy who's pretty good; the other is much more qualified, and she's a total knock-out. I know which one my wife wants to hire, what about you? Your input is greatly needed and appreciated. Personally I think she looks better than my wife, the knock-out I mean.


Dear Lawrence,

Your ambiguity is profound. I can't tell, even remotely, what you're getting at here. Is this girl's beauty a bad thing? Or are you saying that's a plus?Which one does your wife want you to hire?The guy, so she can see him around the workplace and daydream about paperback love novels? Or the girl, because she is more qualified and, as your assistant, would perform her work at such a level as to rise the quality of your work which makes the family more money? You say she "looks better than my wife," sounds like you might be the one daydreamin' here. Hire the girl.

Happy Raving, Diver

Dear Diver,




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