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by Mike Sheahan
Welcome to “The Goods,” the weekly entertainment
comment that cannot believe that we are fast approaching mid-July.
I realize that a “time flies” remark is usually
 reserved
for the aged or very boring (I may well be both), but were the
last four months not a blur? It seems like only yesterday I
was making fun of the people who sell out a Bon Jovi concert
in Denver, and suddenly it’s time for Ozzfest in Albuquerque.
But more on that later. There are plenty of nonironic or heavily
cliched happenings around town that deserve mention.
If, unlike yours truly, you have not had enough of the combination
of live music and sunshine, then the Celtic Festival at Durango
Mountain Resort this Saturday, July 12, is right up your alley.
Incidentally, the word Celtic is pronounced with a hard “C,”
like a “K,” not a soft “C” like an “S.”
I say this because recently a gum-snappin’, cell-phone-talkin’,
Capri-smokin’bleach-blonde walked up and said to me, “Is
this where the Seltic jam is? Can I get a blue Hawaiian?”
I was dumbfounded, but here I digress. At Saturday’s Celtic
Fest, one can expect tons of live music including,  among
many others, local Celtic favorites Beltaine. Northern European-flavored
food and shops will abound, and the day would not be complete
without the obligatory tasting of Scotch Whiskey.
Tickets are only affordable, the music starts at noon, but
most importantly, it should be nearly impossible to find a blue
Hawaiian. Count me in.
In what may be the most interesting musical set up this week,
an event known as Brass and Barbecue will match the Music in
the Mountains Brass Quintet with a few members of local country
act Narrow Gauge. Held at Silver Mountain Guest Ranch but meant
to informally kick off the Music in the Mountains series, the
result of this combination should be fun. If, like me, you have
no idea where Silver Mountain is, have no fear – buses
will take you to and from the First National Bank parking lot
starting at 4 p.m.
Those of you who thought the fine art of singing off key to
a synthesized version of your favorite song had left Durango
are horribly, horribly wrong. It’s true, the fine Japanese
art of karaoke is alive and well at Club Scoot and Blues every
Monday night. Whether your favorite is the Starland Vocal Band’s
“Afternoon Delight” or Jimmy Buffet’s timeless
classic “Margaritaville,” this is your chance to
show off your vocal skills for those inside and your ass for
those on the sidewalk outside. It is worth checking out because
you have not lived until you’ve heard five drunken girls
go at “Achey Breaky Heart” or my rousing rendition
of “Come on Eileen.” Both are something to be seen.
As mentioned above, the week’s big throw down is in Albuquerque
next Tuesday. The traveling cartoon circus that is Ozzfest will
roll through the Journal Pavilion and will, of course, feature
the Dark Prince himself and the biggest nightmare of the religious
right since Ozzy, Marilyn Manson. But the show doesn’t
stop there, MTV darlings Korn and the only band I know named
after a car, Chevelle, also will “entertain.” Lessee,
Ozzy has the hottest show on MTV; Manson is merely a cartoon
version of Ozzy; Korn was on “MTV Beach House”;
and Chevelle is a car. All the 14-year-olds and Fort Lewis drop-outs
who bought tickets should be disappointed but instead will probably
have a great time and come home with new ideas for great mullets.
This week’s sign the end is near: It’s bad enough
that we can’t sit through a decent night of TV watching
without hearing the details of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s
personal life every 15 minutes. We are now being assaulted by
trailers for the movie the two made together. Enough already!
My only solace is the thought that after this awful flick comes
out, and tanks, they may lay low for a while.
This week’s album: If you haven’t heard of the
southern rock band The Drive By  Truckers,
get ready because you will soon.
The band’s latest release, “Decoration Day,”
is its best and has the attention of critics nationwide. A kind
of thinking man’s Lynnrd Skynrd, the Truckers pridefully
embrace their Southern roots but escape the anthem cheese of
the band that gave us “Freebird.”
This is an album that starts quietly with “The Deeper
In,” a number that sympathetically recounts the story
of the only two people in prison for incest in the United States,
and ends quietly with a tale of an abused wife who thinks about
but hasn’t yet used the “Loaded Gun in the Closet.”
In between, we are treated to a fiercely proud Southern number
called “Outfit,” in which a father urges his son
not to follow his career path, but if he should there are rules.
Among other things, and in two-thirds time, he tells the son
he should never: call what he wears an “outfit;”
say that his car is “broke;” worry about losing
his accent; and act like his family’s a joke. “Outfit”
is delivered with such intimacy and simple sense of purpose
that one thinks songwriter Patterson Hood never intended anyone
but his son to hear it.
The most Skynrd-like track comes four songs into this 15-song
epic with a sweet, inviting guitar riff. But then the lyrics
enter with: “My daddy didn’t pull out/But he never
apologized/Rock and roll means well/ but it can’t help
telling young men lies.” Compare that to anything that
precedes the Drive By Truckers, and if you find more gritty
melodic substance, I’ll buy you this album. In a perfect
world “Decoration Day” gets a Grammy, and Shania
Twain gets kicked to the curb.
Next Week: Better crap at Journal Pavilion.
Did Phat Lizzard kill? mpsheahan@yahoo.com
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