Dear Diver,

I don’t understand why they are changing the name of Route 666. Are the lawmakers that religious? Do they really believe in that sort of thing? How silly, and to think this made headline news. Does this have anything to do with Iron Maiden?

– Curious,

Davey in Hermosa

Dear Davey,

You need to understand that the Biblical end times are upon us and that, in fact, Colorado Gov. Bill Owens is the anti-Christ, (he’ll surely run for president in 2008, so watch out!) The real reason N.M. Gov. Bill Richardson called for the highway’s name change was to resist the growing satanic power that emanates from the great Babylon of Denver. It was a symbolic change, but one that hopefully has sent a message to the evil, evil Bill Owens.

– Yours in Christianity,



Could Stone Cold Steve Austin beat Ric Flair in a wrestling match?

– Jim,

via e-mail

Dear Jim,

Well, li’l fella, I stopped following wrestling in the early ’90s, and I never watched the WCW so I know very little about “Stone Cold” and the “Nature Boy.” However, let me tell you about one of my personal heroes: the late, great “Ravishing” Rick Rude. Back when men were men, and wimps were wimps, people like “Ravishing” Rick Rude roamed the upper Midwest, tempting the ladies and bringing glory to the ring. Jim, aspire to be a true wrestler like Rick Rude; not a mere “entertainer” like those knuckleheads you asked me about.

– Good luck,


Dear Diver,

I’ve lived in this town for eight years. It seems everyone I know in this town has gotten a DUI or come pretty close. Why doesn’t this town support night-time public transportation for people who are too inebriated to drive? Are DUI’s a huge moneymaker for this town? I don’t understand, but maybe you can make me understand.

– Thanks in advance,


Dear Brian,

No kidding, bro! I’ve been pulled over right after injecting myself with some tranquilizers I stole from a large-animal veterinary clinic. Man, you should have seen me! I could hardly walk, much less drive. Yeah, those cops just want to take our money and keep me from having fun. Oh well, good luck.

– Diver


Diver: Dan Groth, of the Buzz House

Facts: Dan was banned in 1989 from high school sporting events when he gave the Limon High School wrestling coach the dreaded “Heart Punch” perfected by Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


I noticed this town is often full of “shushers” at concerts – people who like to put their fingers to their lips and go “Shhhh” at the numerous drunken people at concerts who just insist on blathering on about their sister’s baby or their new wallpaper or whatever. What is ruder, people who must talk about garbage at a concert, or the people who shush them? Personally I think people that talk excessively at a concert or speech or something should get punched in the kidney.

– Wondering,


Dear Lauren,

The worst person on Earth is you! I was completely drunk at a show last week and told a friend next to me about some gorilla antics I had seen on “Animal Planet.” Suddenly I heard an ear-splitting “Shush!!” and felt a sharp pain in my precious kidneys. I have to assume this was you, Lauren. For shame! Your type disgusts me; don’t ever write this column again.

– Diver



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