Dear Diver,
Have you ever seen one of those “ships in
a bottle” model things? How in the hell do they get that
ship through the neck of the bottle?
– Confused in Cortez
Dear Confused in Cortez,
Ahhh, the old hobo trick. There were many times we, ourselves
included, have slipped directly into the bottle. You see it’s
merely just a matter of lubrication and flexibility. While those
boats may look rigid, there was a point in time where they were
rubberized via copious amounts of wood alcohol and model glue.
– Thanks, Divers
Dear Diver,
In 1983, I was given a charming little game called
a Rubik’s Cube. I finally solved it by breaking it apart
and putting it back together with all the matching colors on
each proper side. Is that cheating?
– Your pal, Howard
Howard,
Great job! There are many ways to solve a puzzle; you have
just taken a different path.
– Congratulations, The Divers
Dear Diver,
Would girls find me more attractive if I wore a
Detroit Tigers hat, grew a moustache and wore those short-short
OP corduroy shorts ala Magnum PI? Currently the mullet and “Born
to Party” T-shirt isn’t working for me.
– Signed, Wannabe Tom
Selleck
Wannabe,
If you really want to score the chicks, get yourself a multi-colored,
striped helicopter. I mean let’s face it; the ladies were
only into Magnum to get to T.C. The Ferrari was stolen from
Higgins after all, and while we’re on the subject, who
really believes that Higgins wasn’t Robin Masters, mild-mannered
houseman my butt!! Yet we digress, you say “currently”
the mullet and shirt are failing you. We would hazard a guess
and say that was never working!
– Divers
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| Divers:
Bill Graham and Jeff Ogden from Ska
Interesting Facts: Due to the
high number of Durango Divers flooding to the Telluride
area this weekend, the Telegraph was forced to poll
160 people and ask what “Ask the Diver”
column they would most like to see again. 99 percent
of the people at last week’s Ska-B-Q voted on
this column. Imagine that.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Divers,
Is alcohol the root of all evil?
– Yours in sobriety,
Eddie Conine, Gem Village
Eddie,
Sober in Gem Village? Yeah shaa ... anyway Eddie,
alcohol has a multifaceted history of providing social intercourse
for thousands of cultures. Beer and mead were first made by
the Egyptians and popularized by the Sumerians. Even through
the Dark Ages, beer, wine and grog were a simple way to enjoy
the horrors of the plague. As the boats sailed west, alcohol
was there, pointing out a slightly crooked path into the unknown.
And finally, with the advent of the Industrial Revolution,
one thankfully had to no longer create his/her own hooch and
spend those shaky weeks waiting for it to mature to palatability;
one could simply slip on down to the local liquor store or
pub. So in conclusion, alcohol may not be the root of all
evil, but it is darn close to the trunk.
– Thanks, Divers
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