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by Mike Sheahan
Welcome to “The Goods,”
the weekly entertainment look-see that cannot believe how many
people are already complaining about how hot it is. It’s
not even summer yet, and every day I hear about the sweltering
heat. And mostly from people who were whining about how cold
it was two months ago. I guess some people just gotta have something
to moan about. Not me, I only get upset over important things,
like stuff I see on TV. But the weather? Humph, just suck it
up, and go jump in the river.
Speaking of jumping in the river, this weekend brings us the
21st annual Animas River Days, and for the first time since
the summer I moved to Durango, there seems to be a reason to
celebrate. The river is fast and large, and a great boating
season is shaping up for our water-minded friends. Which is
great because it means my river guide buddies might buy a round
for a change. There’s lots to do during River Days, but
I have picked out a couple of events that should be fun for
participants and spectators alike.
On Friday night at 6 p.m. there will be a river parade down
the Animas. I would expect to see the usual host of rafts and
kayaks, but I’d also hope for some more wacky entries.
Maybe there’ll be things like a barely water-worthy raft
of Styrofoam and milk cartons piloted by drunken college kids
or better yet, monkeys on inner tubes! I wonder what the Fallen
Angel’s entry will be. That’s probably asking too
much, and I should say that booze and rapids don’t mix,
and it’s NEVER cool to abuse monkeys for nongambling fun.
All that aside, I’m sure the parade is going to be something
to see.
If I know anything, I know that river folk love their dogs.
High noon on Saturday you have your chance to find out just
who has the “baddest stick-retrieving dog in town.”
Now is the time to find out if your pooch, “Zeppelin,”
can out-fetch your neighbor’s dog, “Halen.”
If I were a dog owner, I might be a bit wary of the current,
as it looks like the Animas could carry a part of beautiful
Bodo Park to New Mexico right now. Either way, I’ll join
you all with “Mike,” my wife’s cat so he,
too, can “fetch some sticks.”
If you are like me (30s, slightly to way overweight, 2-year-old
kid, unhealthy desire to watch everything on TV at once) then
the last thing you’re going to do is jump in a river.
Plus, you sometimes find yourself at a loss for how to make
meaningful with the family on the Lord’s Day, Sunday.
It is possible that my experience last week could be helpful.
After breakfast we all stopped by the Flea Market in the fairgrounds
parking lot on North Main where I bought a visor with a Seattle
Mariners logo that I’m sure violates both the Mariners’
and Major League Baseball’s copyrights. While at the market,
one also can pick up used garden hoses, broken golf clubs and
expired New Mexico license plates. All of this plus the promise
of lengthy mullets and anti-Arab jingoism on T-shirts make this
an at least one-time must.
After that, scoot the girls over to the Rec Center to check
out the new splash pad, an interactive water playground for
kids. If you have a child under 10, this will become a permanent
fixture of your summer. It’d be nice for this to be a
well-kept secret as space is limited, but by mid-July there’ll
be a line outside as long as the line at Steamworks on a Friday
night.
This week’s music “must see” comes in the
form of blues man Tinsley Ellis at Storyville, Saturday, June
7. Over his nearly 30 year career, Ellis has released eight
or more albums and has been compared in style to Jeff Beck and
Eric Clapton. He was originally captivated by the likes of those
English guitarists but also studied American bluesmen such as
Muddy Waters and BB King. If real-ass blues guitar is your thing,
than look no further than Tinsley Ellis. Oh yeah, his next gig
is in Valencia, Spain, so if you go to the show wish the man
a Bon Voyage.
This week’s sign the end is near: I realize stupid TV
commercials really seem to get more under my craw than anything,
but this week can’t be an exception. During a recent bout
of self-induced television stupor, I saw two offensive commercials
within a few minutes of one another. The first featured The
Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop” being used to peddle
cell phones, of all things. Hmm, and not so long after Joey
Ramone died; purely a coincidence I’m sure. The second
offense features a song by Jonathan Richman, a personal favorite
(among many other things he’s the guy randomly singing
in the classic comedy “There’s Something About Mary.”)
Here’s a legend who, since the mid-1970s, has steadfastly
done things his own way without concern for commerce and is
now selling shoes. Ick. On the plus side, Chuck D from Public
Enemy, the smartest rap group ever, can be seen in commercials
with his mother trying to raise money for under-funded school
arts programs. Hold on people, all is not lost after all.
This week’s album review: The latest by teenybopper-faux-punker-irrelevant-haircut-havin’
pop star Pink is a stinker. Owning “Can’t Take Me
Home” should be a crime punishable by a lifetime of ceaselessly
having to listen to it.
Happy birthday Carol Ann. mpsheahan@yahoo.com
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