Dear Diver,

What are your thoughts on long-distance relationships? Do they work? I really like this guy, and he’s going off to Costa Rica for six months. I want to attempt to make this work. How can I make him want this as much as me, even though we’ll be so far apart?

– Brook,


Dear Brook,

Stick a fork in it, because this relationship is done. Unless you are married, long-distance relationships don’t work. Even if you do try, most men can’t seem to keep that thing in their pants, if you know what I mean.

– Your friend,



Is a podiatrist considered a real doctor?

– Lauren,



Once I had a bunion on my foot the size of Rhode Island, and a podiatrist got rid of it for me. Does that answer your question?

– Good luck,



My live-in girlfriend has remained good friends with a high school sweetheart, who wants to come visit. I am not cool with this. I don’t mind his phone calls and letter writing, but I would rather not her “ex” come and stay with us in my house. Am I being paranoid? Should I worry? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

– Thanks,


Dear Stan,

Perhaps you should take this opportunity to contact one of your old high school girlfriends. Call an old prom date. Track down that girl from 10th grade who looked like she was in 12th grade. Better yet, make friends with a girl now who seems to catch your eye. Basically, you should be paranoid. Your girlfriend is going to dump you for this dude quicker than a New York minute. My advice to you is to start cheating immediately because your relationship is all but over. Go for it.

– Diver


Diver: Rob Lawrence, of Sunnyside Farms Market

Facts: Rob will soon be applying his diver skills to fatherhood. Apparently dirty dishes are similar to dirty diapers.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Ever since my husband retired four years ago, I can’t get him to take me on a vacation. He says he doesn’t need one because he’s on a permanent vacation now. How can I persuade him to get up from the recliner and go someplace interesting?

– Mrs. G.

Dear Mrs. G,

My girlfriend and I would be happy to vacation with you. And I have two words for you...HOT TUB.

– See you on vacation,




News Index Second Index Opinion Index Classifieds Index Contact Index