Dear Diver,
My grandmother used to say “the best things
in life are free.” The older I get. though, it seems like
everything in life actually has a pretty steep price tag on
it. Can you think of any “best things” that are
free (or at least affordable)?
– Chris
Dear Chris,
The best things in life are free, but they tend to be a little
more abstract than cars, sea cruises and the like. Love, pretty
sunsets and brotherhood can all be had for free. But since you’re
looking for more tangible free things, I have compiled a list
of some of my favorites: 1. Hubcaps found in ditches; 2. Slightly
ornate rocks; 3. Sagebrush; and 4. Free (the hard-rockin’
’70s band).
– Keep rockin,
Diver
Dear Diver,
I’m really concerned about my friend. He is
about 70 pounds overweight, and that number is growing. He eats
wrong, drinks a lot and smokes like a chimney. When I try to
tell him that his lifestyle is unhealthy, he says something
like “I’ll get myself together by the New Year.”
He’s been saying that for years. I’m worried. How
can I gently let him know he is getting heavier and unhealthier
without hurting his feelings?
– Mitch,
Bayfield
Dear Mitch,
What your friend needs is a good punch in the stomach.
– Thanks, Diver
Dear Diver,
I’ve heard that if you tried to build a car
by buying all the parts and putting them together yourself,
it would cost you something like $100,000. What’s up with
that?
– Anthony
Dear Anthony,
You’re talking nonsense! Why, when I was 20, I built
a perfectly good car for only $500. However, I am also 100 years
old.
– Thanks, Diver
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| Diver:
Dan Groth, of the Buzz House
Interesting Facts: Dan steps
in and picks up the slack when other Divers end up in
rehab ... enough said.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
My in-laws have the bad habit of
dropping by unannounced. They just show up at our door. I
very politely asked them to give us a little notice before
their visits. So now they call from their cell phone and say,
“We’re at the corner. Want some company?”
How can I get it across to them that we’d like to have
more than 60 seconds to pick up the place or get dressed or
whatever?
– From,
“Not Now!”
Dear “Not Now,”
You sound like a regular ne’er-do-well,
never prepared and always blaming others. On the other hand,
your in-laws seem to be dear, sweet people who just need some
love and attention. You know, if you just had a positive attitude
toward life you wouldn’t have to dread these social
engagements. Oh? You say you’ve been feeling down lately?
You may actually have a social disorder. Maybe you should
think about getting on some meds.
– Thanks,
Diver
Diver,
Are moustaches still “hip?”
I’m talking about Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck –moustaches
from the 1980s. Do the chicks still dig ’em?
– Donnie,
Durango
Dear Donnie,
Moustaches are hot!! Check out my new moustache,
it sure makes me look manly. It’s tellin’ the
ladies, “Hey, I’m back in action!” It also
tells the wimps, “Don’t mess with me, bub.”
Watch out Durango, for a true man has appeared on the scene!
– Regards,
Diver
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