Dear Diver,

The people around my office are always sick, and they come to work and cough and sneeze and make everyone else sick. Why the hell don’t people just stay home when they are sick? Don’t they realize they are spreading disease? Are people that insensitive?

-Jen, Mancos

Dear Grasshopper,

“Make good medicine from the suffering of sickness.” Human lives go along with circumstances. It isn’t necessary to reject activity and seek quiet; just make yourself inwardly empty while outwardly harmonious. Then you’ll be at peace in the midst of frenetic activity in the world. Unless your office is in Hong Kong, in which case, RUN LIKE HELL!!

-Cheers, Diver


Questions about this whole vegetarian thing. Are humans supposed to eat meat? We do have teeth that apparently are meant to tear flesh, right? I do eat healthy, lots of vegetables, little sugar and cheese and all that, but sometimes a nice plate of ribs or a burger really does me right. So, is eating meat OK?

-Jon, Durango

Dear Jon,

Foods have many flavors; which one could be defined as quintessential? As people’s constitutions differ, so do their tastes. Some people like meats, some like spirulina, or wheat grass. I’m sorry, no one actually likes spirulina or wheat grass, but you can catch my drift. If you said the flavor you like is the quintessential flavor and the rest are useless, you would be an imbecile. The way of compassion dictates that it is wrong to take life, however, if God had intended that animals not be eaten, then why did he make them out of meat?

-Yours, Diver



With all the financial woes of Fort Lewis College, I have a suggestion. Cut the football team. They have won a scant 10 games since 1998, and have lost 44 games. That’s a record of 10 wins, 44 losses. I don’t even think people go to games. This being a bike and ski town, don’t you think the college should concentrate on biking and ski teams and leave football to schools like CU? Could the Fort Lewis football team even beat a decent high school team? I doubt it. So, should they cut football at FLC?

-Wondering, Pat

Dear Pat,

It was most wise of you to wait until the football team was gone before asking this question. I chose not to answer your question, but to give you some advice. From the point of Buddha-nature, whether one is homosexual, or heterosexual, one need not feel any shame. However, if one is primarily seeking only to satisfy oneself, this is improper sexuality. I hope this will help you to decide once and for all whether it’s Patrick, or Patty.

-Good luck, Diver


Diver: Cory Kitch from Homeslice Pizza.

Facts: One of the many divers from Homeslice, Cory is not just a Diver. He is another of the dedicated food service owners who isn’t afraid to add soap to water and place cleansing unit in hand, applying pressure to dirty dishes to rid away food remnants.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


What the hell’s up with this town not having a hostel? I get asked daily when I’m walking down 2nd Ave., “Where’s the hostel?” As I point to that disgustingly ugly construction site, I say “It was there.” Friendly and weary and sometimes hot girl travelers then say “This town sucks,” and they head off to Gem Village for cheap lodging. What should we do? Will another hostel open?

-Sam, Durango

Dear Sam,

Those of us with true faith, we have no need of affordable housing, we have no need of vacant land, and we have no need of Gem Village, just the creature comforts and lots of them. Hallelujah, praise the lord, amen. As for the hot chicks, what is wrong with your place, you idiot? Still living with mom?

-Thanks, Diver



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