Dear Diver,
A friend left a message on my phone machine in which
she had some harsh things to say about her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately,
the reason I wasn’t answering my phone was that her ex-boyfriend
was in my apartment at the time. Now he’s mad at her,
but if he says anything to her about the call, she’ll
be mad at me for being with him. Any ideas how we should handle
this?
– No name, please
Dear No Name,
Wow! You are in quite a pickle. What you two should do is get
drunk and fool around. Then tell all your other friends about
it in hopes that his ex will hear it. When she does, I don’t
think it will bother her much because, hey, you were really
wasted.
– Enjoy, Diver
Diver,
Here’s one we were kicking around the other
night. If you were stranded on a desert island, which five books
would you have with you?
– Sam and Friends
P.S. One of them can’t
be a book of matches.
Dear Sam and Friends,
This one’s pretty far fetched. I’ve never been
on a deserted island before so it’s pretty hard for me
to believe I could ever get stranded on one. But if I ever knew
I was going to become a castaway, I would be sure to bring a
book of zig-zags and a phone book, so I can call Dominos.
– Thanks, Diver
Dear Diver,
Are you for or against the motorcycle rally? You
down with topless 50-year-old women, loud bikes, rock and roll,
and Budweiser? Or is solitude and peacefulness the answer?
– Jackie and Maude, Oxford
Dear Jackie and Maude,
Bring on the rally and Budweiser and more Budweiser, except
don’t give any to my roommate, because it makes him smell
really bad in the morning. I bet there will be at least one
good looking topless 50-year-old, just wait. You’ll see.
– See you at the rally, Diver
|
| Diver:
Jacob Hanson, Lady Falconburgh’s
Interesting Facts: Jacob has
only been a diver for three months but already has the
worldly knowledge of a veteran. His intelligence may
only be exceeded by his great thirst.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
I am certainly not for the war, however, I am
not a protester. The protestors say they are the majority,
however, I know many George Bush supporters who would follow
him to the end of the earth. Most Americans are lazy and
support mainstream entertainment and news, so wouldn’t
you agree that most Americans who may not protest the war,
could really care less if we are at war or not? Are they
the majority and free-thinking individuals the minority?
What do you think?
– B.L., Durango
Dear BL,
We all know Bush isn’t going to stop the war because
of protests. Half our country could protest, but George
W. isn’t going to see us until his Mommy and Daddy
let him watch TV again. Besides, the man we want is Charlie
Sheen, word is he’s already begun casting for “Hot
Shots” part 3. I can’t help but wonder what
idiot actor would play Bush?
– Yours, Diver
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