It’s a well-known fact that various law-enforcement officers spend time on the Web in chat rooms. They pretend to be lonely housewives or drug suppliers in order to lure innocent people into breaking the law. In the guise of dispensing so-called advice, is that what you’re doing? How do we know you’re not a cop? Be truthful.

– Mike


By giving advice, I am not trying to lure anyone into breaking the law. If you want to know if I’m a cop, then just come on down to the courthouse any given week and look for my name on the docket. As far as advice, I suggest you stop looking at cyber porn.

– Thanks, Diver

Dear Diver,

I read somewhere that the Eskimos have a hundred different words for snow. Is that B.S. (for which we have a hundred different words)? If it’s true, what’s the point? If you’re sitting around the campfire and your buddy can’t think of anything else to talk about besides snow, wouldn’t you just stick a harpoon in him?

– Dale,



This reminds me of the baby seal who walked into a club. It’s stupid. Keep those questions coming!

– Diver


Dear Diver,

If you make your living playing professional sports, what do you do for fun, work in a factory?

– Fitz and Arnie

Dear F & A,

I have been known to make some money on the bowling circuit but I still dive five times a week. Those other professionals spend their free time doing wholesome things like going to strip clubs and doing drugs with Daryl Strawberry.

– Enjoy, Diver


Diver: Steve Richards, of Cuckoos

Facts: Not only is Steve a volunteer diver, he also is a professional drinker, as noted on the bricks in Falconburgh’s. Steve also starred in a “Hawaiian Punch” commercial when he was 10. We’re not kidding.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My class reunion is coming up this summer, and I’m not sure if I want to go. Not to sound vain, but my looks have improved a lot since I was in school. A friend of mine says I should go just to watch everybody’s jaws drop when they find out it’s me. Personally, I’m not sure I want to get hit on by guys who wouldn’t give me the time of day 10 years ago. What do you think?

– Thanks, R.L.

Dear R.L.

I agree with your friend. You should go to the reunion. And I would be happy to give you the time of day, just tell me how many times you want me to give it to you.

– We’ll talk soon, Diver

Dear Diver,

Is over-the-counter medicine a rip-off? I think it is nothing more than a scam to make money. We all know that the only thing that cures sickness is Morphine. However, I’m not above or below taking ginseng, echinacea or other fancy voodoo type medicinal cures. Your thoughts?

– Loni, Hermosa


Over-the-counter medicine has many uses. Drink some Robitussin before going to the bar, and you’ll see your bar tab dramatically reduced. If you want to try a new herbal remedy, look in your neighbor’s back yard. You might find some growing back there.

– Thanks, Diver



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