Dear Diver,

I was born during a leap year, on Feb. 29th. Is it ok for me to celebrate on the 28th?

– Wondering,
Ed, in town

Ed,

No, the 28th is a completely different day. My recommendation to you: Celebrate Big!!! Every 4 years!!! Invite all, have a huge celebration to celebrate the last four years and the four to come. If you can’t hold back celebrating your life for that long, do it yearly on the first of March. Confuse people, so yearly your birthday can be a two-day celebration – the 28th to some, the first to others, and on leap year, have a 3-day bash.”

– Thanks,
Diver Lylah



Dear Diver,

Relatives are coming for a visit in April. They’ve been to Durango several times before, so we’ve done the train with them and Mesa Verde and DMR, we even took them to Farmington once! Can you think of any interesting or unusual things in this area that they (and we) might enjoy?

– Thanks,
Alice

Goin’ out to Alice,

First, you need to stop by DNF and purchase your red, gold and green wristbands (only $5) so you guys can be real gapers (tourists). Then maybe go to Telluride. There you can ask around for a local named Hubert. He should make the day very interesting. Or maybe go to Forest Lakes and find the secret indoor skatepark, if ya can, but you may have to pay the toll to support the local economy. Ignacio is hopping this time of year. And don’t forget the Oxford Grill. It looks pretty shady but dare to go in for unknown objects on the menu.

– Diver MX

 


Dear Diver,

I moved to Durango from the East Coast about two years ago. The reason I came here is because I was living in Long Island and making that crazy commute into the city five times a week, spending what seemed like 10 hours a week in the car. Now my commute here is much better, but with so much growth here I have the feeling this place will be too crowded for me in a couple of years. Do you have any suggestions on how I can make life easier for myself when driving around this town?

– Jaimie,
Durango

Oh Jaimie,

My heart goes out to all of those poor people who pack all their belongings into their Dodge Durangos and Cadillac Escalades. They partake on a perilous journey to find a place where the drive will be short to the Wal-Mart they brought with them. When I think of their struggles, a single tear comes to my eye. Maybe if the commute gets really bad, and you are run out of your “new” home, all the other victims of this horrible plague will get up and leave too, and the problem will solve itself. I guess only time will tell.

– Sympathetically yours,
Diver Kyle

 

Diver: The entire five-person crew from The Durango Natural Foods Deli

Interesting Facts: Easily the handsomest bunch in the Diver pool. Teamwork rocks, and this group knows it.


 

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Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.




Dear Diver,

Are there any more towns in Colorado or the West that reflect the Wild West, or is this whole part of the country just a playground for the rich?

– Bill in Boston
via e-mail

P.S.: I’m planning on moving, I just don’t want to live near any “21st Poseur Cowboys.”

Boston Bill,

This is it! The Wild Wild West! We have a lot of real live yahoos in these parts, kickin it with the sort of Bohemian/nomadic types and “other” folk here in southwest Colorado. Cowboys are definitely a part of Durango’s landscape – hats, handlebar stashes, big four-by-four trucks, sheep hoarding, city bashing, rednecks. Hell, even John Wayne stayed here and liked it!!!!

– Diver Leah

Dear Diver,

What’s the worst form of entertainment invented? My nominees are clarinet music, ventriloquists and tractor pulls.

– Sincerely,
Eugene R. Nelson

P.S.: Also those comics that come in bubble gum.

O.K. Eugene,

Bubble gum comics aside, let’s dive a little deeper into the WORST possible forms of entertainment. I’d nominate public tortures and executions as No. 1. Walkin’ on eggshells in these times of religious fundamentalism, you better damn well be noticeably entertained or else ... be the next contestant in the circle of terrified gossip to eventually end up on stage to your dismay. In France, during the 1400 and 1500s, spectators sometimes even paid good money for front row tickets. But on a lighter note, I would have to say clowns rank No. 2 in my book for the freakiest form of entertainment. Who, honestly, is comfortable when picked out of a crowd by an overbearing, sadistically smiling clown who desperately needs to try and force a laugh out of you? Well, not me and as a child, I’d cry.

Diver Angela



 

 


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