Dear Diver,
My Chevy pickup has over 200,000 miles on it. My
wife says it’s a hunk of junk and that I should get rid
of it, but a friend of mine says hang onto it, someday it will
be a classic. At what point does a vehicle go from being just
old to being a classic? By the way, I’m pushing 60 myself.
At what point do I become a classic? I know my wife has an opinion
about that, but what’s yours?
– Thanks, DeWayne F.,
via e-mail
Dear Dad,
What are you talking about you drunk old man, you sold that
old truck last year! Please, stop drinking and pay attention.
– Your son,
Diver
Dear Diver,
It seems as if our world is getting crazier and
crazier. With war on the horizon, the economy in the dumps and
warm January temperatures, I’m wondering if God hates
us, we are experiencing bad luck or if life just stinks. Your
thoughts?
– Mary,
Hermosa
Dear Mary,
The first thing you need to realize is that the Lord loves
everybody. However, as long as Bush is in office, life is going
to continue to stink.
– Good luck,
Diver
Dear Diver,
How come a few weeks back there was this ongoing
battle of letters between people who dig music? One guy says
this band is great; one guy says you all are stupid because
jam bands aren’t represented. Why do some people think
they are cooler than others because of the music they listen
to? Slayer puts Wilco and Phish to shame in my opinion. My question
is, what makes me cooler than all of them?
– Chris,
Durango
Chris,
Next time you are driving your Thunder Bird around Fifth Avenue
and College Drive, stop in at Homeslice, and I will hit you
in the head with a pizza tray because Slayer sucks.
– See you soon,
Diver
|
| Diver:
Jordan Frane, Home Slice Pizza
Facts: Another diver from what
is turning out to be the diver training ground for the
Southwest, Homeslice Pizza. Jordan’s philosophy
is that advice is best when it’s short and simple.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Skiing hurts my knees, and snowboarding hurts
my ass. Is acupuncture a recommended cure for this? I know
it may work on my knees but my back side? Any thoughts?
– AJ,
via e-mail.
AJ,
I would buy some knee pads, and I don’t recommend
acupuncture for your back side.
– Enjoy,
Diver
Dear Diver,
I’m an eighth-grader and play soccer,
do my best at school and help out a lot around the house.
I even almost got straight As last term. But that’s
not good enough for my parents. They constantly nag me about
doing better in school and helping out more around the house,
and that really bugs me. My baby brother gets away with
murder. They are constantly buying him Rescue Rangers, and
he can’t even tie his shoes. What can I tell them
to stop treating me so bad? They don’t hit me though.
– Jimmy,
Durango
Jimmy,
Your brother’s shoes are not the issue here. Your
parents obviously are not paying attention to you. I think
you should pack your backpack and run away from home for
a couple of days, that usually gets them every time.
– Have fun,
Diver
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