Dear Diver,
What ever happened to good dramatic television?
Remember TV shows like “Adam 12” or “Starsky
and Hutch?” How about the great “Falcon Crest?”
Hell, even “Father Murphy” with Merlin Olson was
good! Do you remember when Mr. Belvedere replaced Tattoo on
“Fantasy Island?”
Jeff, Chicago,
via e-mail
Jeff,
We hear ya man!! What in the C-R-A-P happened to television?
You tune into ye olde boob tube to check some crap, and there
it is, crap, crap and more crap. I mean, “Adam-12”
was great. Diver Jeff here even had an “Adam-12”
lunch box as a kid, and I really, truly thought I could be Hutch
when I was older, like 14. But if you truly want to talk about
dramatic television and the lack thereof, let’s talk about
“Saturday Night Live!” Sure Tina Fey and Jimmy Falon
will bring a chuckle, but nothing like Joe Piscapo and Eddie
Murphy. “I’m Chevy Chase and you’re not,”
oh what a knee slapper; we really don’t know where we’re
going here... oh yeah, TV is crap you’re right.
–Divers
Dear Diver,
Is there really a Santa Claus? I have trouble believing
Santa and the Easter Bunny can make it to each house in the
world in one night.
– Your friend,
Michael Teri, via e-mail
Dear Michael,
Now we’re only going to tell you this once, THEY’RE
REAL... YOU HEAR!! And if you don’t believe us, how’s
about we come over and knock-out your teeth so you can see if
the Tooth Fairy is real?
– Divers
Diver,
Is Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard
Lights” a true rock anthem?
– Jerry in Hermosa
Jerry,
I don’t know, let me sleep on it... I’ll give you
an answer in the morning.
– Divers
|
| Diver:
Bill Graham and Jeff Ogden of Ska
Interesting Facts: When Telegraph
editors sought advice regarding newspaper production,
they were told “drink two beers and DON’T
call us in the morning. Instead, drink two more beers.”
They did.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
At the airport the other day I noticed that
some of the car rental companies add an extra charge if
the car is returned “excessively dirty.” As
someone who has experience cleaning up messes, what do you
think constitutes “excessively dirty?” Is there
such thing as “excessively clean?”
– Just wondering,
Joan
Dear Joan,
There is only one true definition of
“excessively dirty” and that would be the front
office here at the Ska Brewing Co. In fact, the local representatives
of Avis and Hertz use this office as comparative evidence
if a customer disputes these added charges to the point
of arbitration. Sure it’s cumbersome to have a 12-person
jury in the office, but at the end of the day, it’s
satisfying to know we’ve done our part to keep the
wheels of truth and liberty well oiled. As far as “excessively
clean,” it can happen courtesy of your local divers.
But as the saying goes, “If you have to ask”
85 you can’t afford us.
– Thanks,
Divers
Dear Diver,
Every year I make a New Year’s
resolution, and every year I seem to blow it by Super Bowl
Sunday. Any suggestions?
– Yours, Red
P.S.: I am eligible for parole this March
Dear Red,
Yep, we’ve all been
there a thousand times, you make all those hasty resolutions
in a extasyial haze of booze and drugs on New Year’s
Eve, and the next day, you find yourself violating a pesky
restraining order wearing nothing but a rhinestone jock strap,
frantically searching for that jar of ether you dropped in
the snow, something you swore you’d never do again.
So try this, this year resolve to believe in yourself. Resolve
to be the best Red you can be. Resolve to be the best criminal
you can. Say to yourself, “Red, if I’m a better
criminal, I won’t be here in jail.”
– Divers
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