Dear Diver,

I plan on eating nothing but fudge and drinking nothing but egg nog this holiday season. Is this as unhealthy as people say it is?

– Just wondering,

Ryan in Durango

Dear Ryan,

This is actually not as unhealthy as you may have heard. As long as the eggnog is heavily spiked with rum and the fudge is fresh, you could survive at least a week on nothing else. I just hope you don’t have roommates because the backside of that nutritious diet could be pretty scary.

– Seasons Greetings,


Dear Diver,

I am 31 years old and work at an office job. The other day, I decided to relive my youth and cure my boredom by sniffing some White-Out. I enjoyed the experience, and now I can’t stop. My co-workers are starting to notice my new “attitude.” What should I do?

– A regretful sniffer

via e-mail

Dear Regretful Sniffer,

No need to feel regretful. You are not the first office worker to dip his or her nose into the company White-Out. Although fun for the moment, it is probably really bad for your brain. I suggest you go cold turkey and surf the Internet like everyone else who works in an office. You can probably even find a Web site dedicated to White-Out sniffing freaks like yourself.

– Happy Trails,



Dear Diver,

I have a chance to go out to my friend’s farm and kill my own turkey for Thanksgiving. Do you think it’s worth my time or should I just buy a Butterball? Or perhaps a bottle of Wild Turkey?

– Jenine,


Dear Jenine,

For a life-and-death experience, I would go kill your own turkey. However, how you do it is up to you. Then I would run, not walk, to the liquor store, buy the biggest bottle of Wild Turkey they have, drink it all and try to forget the horrible thing you’ve just done.

– Gobble gobble,


Diver: Jeff Humphreys from Lady Falconburgh’s

: Known as the Diver who knows what’s best for the problem-plagued individuals of town, whether they agree with him or not.

Dan Groth from the Buzz House


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Why are so many bands and artists really great when they’re on drugs but then sucky when they stop taking drugs? For example, Robin Williams, Aerosmith and David Crosby. Just curious.

– Claude,

via e-mail.

Dear Claude,

Excellent question Claude, one I’ve pondered myself from time to time. While “on drugs” people tend to become more creative and willing to take risks without fear of failure of rejection, allowing for a more genuine and artistic impression. Take Robin Williams. As far I’m concerned, he hasn’t done much for me since they cancelled “Mork and Mindy.”

– Party on,


Dear Diver,

Should I downhill, tele or snowboard? It seems like no matter which one I do, the other ones are cooler. What do you think?

– Jamie,

Durango, via e-mail

Dear Jamie,

I think the name for people like you is a “wannabe,” and it doesn’t matter what you do, you will never be cool. However, I suggest that you totally reinvent yourself and go to a board shop for a new board, clothes, and some style tips. That will help.

– Good luck,




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