Dear Diver,
I’m a diver myself, and I was wondering what you do to get food out of your hair. I recently was spraying off some plates with spaghetti and the force of the water lifted the spaghetti into the air and onto my head. Well, I didn’t notice and now it’s worse than having gum in your hair. Any advice?

– Bill,
Durango via e-mail

Dear Bill,
My advice to you is either wear a hair net, or do what I do and shave your head. I hope that helps.

– Thanks,

Dear Diver,
On Friday, Nov. 8th, I was crossing the street in the rain and snow, and a car full of morons took the time to stop, get out and throw snowballs at me. I did nothing to provoke this and frankly am pretty pissed off. I moved from the East Coast to escape the inconsideration and ignorance of humans, yet I am finding it here. Is there anyway we can round up the meathead jerks in this town and ship them off so they can practice their Nazi-like behavior elsewhere? Should I find the car they were driving and do some good ol’ fashioned vandalizing?

– An angry man
who now carries a gun

Dear Gun-Carrying Angry Man,
First of all, owning a gun has never solved anyone’s problems, so keep it at home. Secondly, if this ever happens again, what you should do is fight back with some snowballs of your own. It might even be fun. Thirdly, there’s not much you can do about ignorant people. They’re all over the planet, and it has nothing to do with where you live. Finally, you need to watch who you call a Nazi. Your suggestion to round up all the meat-headed jerks in town and put them someplace else has left me wondering if you’re not one yourself. You should make an effort to relax.

– Thanks,

Dear Diver,
How come people in town sometimes complain about the “lack” of live music, but when there is music, people don’t go? I know that sometimes bigger shows sell out, but for the most part people here don’t support live music. Would they rather just sit home and watch TV?

– John Murrow,

Dear John,
I don’t know why people don’t go to the shows around here. Maybe it’s because people feel that there is a lack of diversity in the scene. Maybe people don’t like bands, or maybe they don’t want to miss that wonderful show “American Idol.”

– Enjoy watching your television!

Diver: Chris Crawford of Stonehouse Subs

: Diving in Durango for only two months, was traded from the Akron Ohio Diver Team for two lackluster divers and a saute cook

Dan Groth from the Buzz House


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,
What’s the best way to get stains out of a white shirt?

– Your friend,

Dear Charlotte,
A lot of bleach has always worked for me.

– Good luck,

Dear Diver,
How come there are a handful of musicians out there who were cool at one point in their career, and now aren’t? For example, Sting was great in the Police, but he wasn’t so great when he performed on VH1 with the Back Street Boys. Does money and excessive fame make you a sissy?

– A concerned music fan

Dear Concerned Music Fan,
I myself have asked this same question many times over, and have yet to find the answer. However, what I have found out is that money will make people do just about anything. In Sting’s case, though, I don’t think that money was a problem. He just progressed and so did his music. There’s not much you can do about that. My advice to you is to go home, kick back, and listen to “Message in a Bottle” over and over again. Everything will be just fine after that.

– Happy listening,



News Index Second Index Opinion Index Classifieds Index Contact Index