Dear Diver,
I’m a diver myself, and I was wondering what you do to
get food out of your hair. I recently was spraying off some
plates with spaghetti and the force of the water lifted the
spaghetti into the air and onto my head. Well, I didn’t
notice and now it’s worse than having gum in your hair.
Any advice?
– Bill,
Durango via e-mail
Dear Bill,
My advice to you is either wear a hair net, or do what I do
and shave your head. I hope that helps.
– Thanks,
Diver
Dear Diver,
On Friday, Nov. 8th, I was crossing the street in the rain and
snow, and a car full of morons took the time to stop, get out
and throw snowballs at me. I did nothing to provoke this and
frankly am pretty pissed off. I moved from the East Coast to
escape the inconsideration and ignorance of humans, yet I am
finding it here. Is there anyway we can round up the meathead
jerks in this town and ship them off so they can practice their
Nazi-like behavior elsewhere? Should I find the car they were
driving and do some good ol’ fashioned vandalizing?
– An angry man
who now carries a gun
Dear Gun-Carrying Angry Man,
First of all, owning a gun has never solved anyone’s problems,
so keep it at home. Secondly, if this ever happens again, what
you should do is fight back with some snowballs of your own.
It might even be fun. Thirdly, there’s not much you can
do about ignorant people. They’re all over the planet,
and it has nothing to do with where you live. Finally, you need
to watch who you call a Nazi. Your suggestion to round up all
the meat-headed jerks in town and put them someplace else has
left me wondering if you’re not one yourself. You should
make an effort to relax.
– Thanks,
Diver
Dear Diver,
How come people in town sometimes complain about the “lack”
of live music, but when there is music, people don’t go?
I know that sometimes bigger shows sell out, but for the most
part people here don’t support live music. Would they
rather just sit home and watch TV?
– John Murrow,
Durango
Dear John,
I don’t know why people don’t go to the shows around
here. Maybe it’s because people feel that there is a lack
of diversity in the scene. Maybe people don’t like bands,
or maybe they don’t want to miss that wonderful show “American
Idol.”
–
Enjoy watching your television!
Diver
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Diver: Chris Crawford of Stonehouse Subs
Fact: Diving in Durango for only two months,
was traded from the Akron Ohio Diver Team for two lackluster
divers and a saute cook
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
What’s the best way to get stains out of a white shirt?
– Your friend,
Charlotte
Dear Charlotte,
A lot of bleach has always worked for me.
– Good luck,
Diver
Dear Diver,
How come there are a handful of musicians out there who were
cool at one point in their career, and now aren’t? For
example, Sting was great in the Police, but he wasn’t
so great when he performed on VH1 with the Back Street Boys.
Does money and excessive fame make you a sissy?
– A concerned music fan
Dear Concerned
Music Fan,
I myself have asked this same question many times over, and
have yet to find the answer. However, what I have found out
is that money will make people do just about anything. In
Sting’s case, though, I don’t think that money
was a problem. He just progressed and so did his music. There’s
not much you can do about that. My advice to you is to go
home, kick back, and listen to “Message in a Bottle”
over and over again. Everything will be just fine after that.
–
Happy listening,
Diver
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