Diver,
When I was in high school I was kind of nerdy, therefore I was
picked on for the entire four years. As of late I’ve been
getting on the Internet, going to the alumni section of my high
school web-page and finding the e-mails and mailing addresses
of my former tormentors. I then pepper them and their families
with ridiculous amounts of hate e-mails and letters. This makes
me feel good, but I think it may be illegal. Is it?
–Barrett Sinclair,
via e-mail
Dear Barrett,
What you are doing is probably illegal and definitely cowardly.
But the law can be bypassed in the name of honor, pride and
glory. Thusly, I have one word for you: duels!! I too was nerdy
in high school. I found that words, threats and the like weren’t
effective unless they were followed by a duel! I’d say
something like, “You may be a star defensive lineman,
but can you face up to a true test of courage in the form of
a duel?” I know you missed your chance back in the ’70s
Barrett. Thus I implore you to restore your honor. Go to your
tormentors’ houses and propose a solution, by way of a
duel!
-Good Luck,
Diver
Dear Diver,
Why does commercial radio suck? Some stations play the same
lame songs about 10 times a day. Why is this?
– Curious Brian
in Durango
Dear Brian,
Unprecedented monopolies in the telecommunications business,
the mass-marketing machines of monolithic record companies and
the fickle tastes of the public at large all contribute to the
lameness of commercial radio. Be that as it may, Brian, I don’t
think you are providing a sound alternative when you constantly
drive up and down Main Street blaring old Ratt tapes.
– Happy listening!,
Diver
Dear Diver,
I notice that sometimes the answers divers give are strictly
to get a cheap laugh. People write in with legitimate problems,
yet the team of divers belittles them and makes light of their
situations. I don’t think the divers are really all that
funny or entertaining. What do you think of that?
– Allen Liska,
Gem Village
Dear Allen “Gem Village Idiot” Liska,
I don’t claim to be funny or entertaining. However, I
do love to belittle people, especially computer geeks who e-mail
newspapers just to see their names in print.
-Thanks for writing,
Diver
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Diver:
Dan Groth from the Buzz House
Interesting Fact: Dan is possibly the most well
read diver in Durango
Years in the industry:
On and off for four years
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Is America really the fattest nation on the planet? The reports
I see on the news claim we are, and there is a fast food restaurant
on every corner. Is this really true?
– Hungry in Hesperus
Dear Hungry in Hesperus,
I have heard that we are the fattest nation in the world.
I have also heard that you are the fattest person in Hesperus.
– Thanks,
Diver
Dear Diver,
Is it “Purgatory at DMR” or is it “DMR at
Purgatory?” Or, is it just “Purgatory?”
I am deeply confused and need to clear this up.
– Halcyon on Hades
Dear Halcyon on Hades,
I’ll need to consult my copy of Dante’s Purgatorio,
(1961. Trans. by John Ciardi; Penguin Books USA Inc. New York).
Let’s see here ... hmmm, line 36 of Canto III states:
“He is insane who dreams that he may learn by mortal
reasoning the boundless orbit three persons in one substance
fill and turn.” I take this to mean that all three names
are applicable when referring to the ski resort in question.
– Diver
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