When I was in high school I was kind of nerdy, therefore I was picked on for the entire four years. As of late I’ve been getting on the Internet, going to the alumni section of my high school web-page and finding the e-mails and mailing addresses of my former tormentors. I then pepper them and their families with ridiculous amounts of hate e-mails and letters. This makes me feel good, but I think it may be illegal. Is it?

–Barrett Sinclair,
via e-mail

Dear Barrett,
What you are doing is probably illegal and definitely cowardly. But the law can be bypassed in the name of honor, pride and glory. Thusly, I have one word for you: duels!! I too was nerdy in high school. I found that words, threats and the like weren’t effective unless they were followed by a duel! I’d say something like, “You may be a star defensive lineman, but can you face up to a true test of courage in the form of a duel?” I know you missed your chance back in the ’70s Barrett. Thus I implore you to restore your honor. Go to your tormentors’ houses and propose a solution, by way of a duel!

-Good Luck,

Dear Diver,
Why does commercial radio suck? Some stations play the same lame songs about 10 times a day. Why is this?

– Curious Brian
in Durango

Dear Brian,
Unprecedented monopolies in the telecommunications business, the mass-marketing machines of monolithic record companies and the fickle tastes of the public at large all contribute to the lameness of commercial radio. Be that as it may, Brian, I don’t think you are providing a sound alternative when you constantly drive up and down Main Street blaring old Ratt tapes.

– Happy listening!,

Dear Diver,
I notice that sometimes the answers divers give are strictly to get a cheap laugh. People write in with legitimate problems, yet the team of divers belittles them and makes light of their situations. I don’t think the divers are really all that funny or entertaining. What do you think of that?

– Allen Liska,
Gem Village

Dear Allen “Gem Village Idiot” Liska,
I don’t claim to be funny or entertaining. However, I do love to belittle people, especially computer geeks who e-mail newspapers just to see their names in print.

-Thanks for writing,

Diver: Dan Groth from the Buzz House

Interesting Fact
: Dan is possibly the most well read diver in Durango

Years in the industry: On and off for four years

Dan Groth from the Buzz House


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,
Is America really the fattest nation on the planet? The reports I see on the news claim we are, and there is a fast food restaurant on every corner. Is this really true?

– Hungry in Hesperus

Dear Hungry in Hesperus,
I have heard that we are the fattest nation in the world. I have also heard that you are the fattest person in Hesperus.

– Thanks,

Dear Diver,
Is it “Purgatory at DMR” or is it “DMR at Purgatory?” Or, is it just “Purgatory?” I am deeply confused and need to clear this up.

– Halcyon on Hades

Dear Halcyon on Hades,
I’ll need to consult my copy of Dante’s Purgatorio, (1961. Trans. by John Ciardi; Penguin Books USA Inc. New York). Let’s see here ... hmmm, line 36 of Canto III states: “He is insane who dreams that he may learn by mortal reasoning the boundless orbit three persons in one substance fill and turn.” I take this to mean that all three names are applicable when referring to the ski resort in question.

– Diver



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