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It looks like I have to admit
that it’s finally happened. The leaves have fallen off
the trees, we all set our clocks back, and it’s really
cold outside. Hell, even Halloween has passed. Even someone
with powers of denial as strong as mine has to admit summer
is over. Fall is my least favorite season of all. My memories
of golfing in shorts and a t-shirt before a barbecue are still
fresh as I get all bundled up just to take the trash out.
Yep, I’ll take an exciting,
robust season like spring any day. But I find myself here, where
it’s gray and dreary and there’s nothing to do.
Of course this is not really the case, but with Hank III, this
weekend’s biggest happening, being sold out, it just feels
like it. Therefore, as a public service to anyone who may feel
like I do, I’ve compiled this list of falltime activities
to entertain while waiting for the snow to fly. And we all know
how long a wait that could be.
1. Take a
road trip
Fall is the best time to go
to the desert because it looks the same as it does in the summer
except it’s not 150 degrees in the shade. Now would be
the perfect time to go on that extended Canyonlands hiking trip
you’ve always wanted to take.
In the other direction, it
could be a few weeks before the trip to the Front Range takes
three days and involves riding horses part of the way. Go now
while it’s only a six-hour trip to civilization. If you
are in Denver in the next few weeks, country rockers, Drag the
River will be at the Bluebird Theater on the 15th. Or you can
catch Beck with opening and backup band The Flaming Lips on
the 18th at the Paramount Theater. Beck Lips, as they’re
calling themselves, are touring behind two new strange records
(Beck’s “Sea Change” and the Lips’ “Yoshimi
Battles the Pink Robots”), and the two bands playing together
promises to be a somewhat silly but musically adventurous time.
 2.
Play lots and lots of golf
When your buddies call you
up and ask you to go golfing, don’t say “Hold on,
I’ve got to ask my spouse or significant other.”
Just tell your pals yes, and then tell your spouse or significant
other what the heck you’re doing. In December you’ll
be glad you did. Sure you can sometimes play Piñon Hills
in the winter, but there is nothing fun about chipping off of
a frozen fairway, especially if that chip is perfectly placed
but lands on a green that plays like a parking lot.
If you don’t golf, just
insert your favorite summertime activity and do that. Just go
now while you still can.
3. Gain 10
pounds
That’s right: switch
to Alfredo sauce, give up the light beer and start drinking
White Russians. Renew your friendship with a couple guys named
Ben and Jerry. Have you ever had a ham and bacon sandwich? Delicious!
The extra padding will help keep you warm during our frigid
winter, and when spring comes, you’ll have a built-in
reason to get active again. Those who know me know I take this
pretty seriously, I just always seem to forget the “active
again” part.
4. Rake your
leaves and mow your lawn
I know most of you subscribe
to the school of thought that says waiting until all of the
leaves have fallen before raking them is the way to go, but
I say get out there and do a little raking every day. It’s
a great time-killer, and while your neighbors will surely talk
about you, one thing they won’t say is you’ve got
a messy yard. After that,
mow the lawn, preferably at 8 in the morning or dinner time.
If you don’t have leaves to rake or a lawn to mow and
feel like you are missing out on a great autumn tradition, come
on over to my place. You can bet my leaves will still be there
in the spring, and I’m sure not mowing again this year.
5. Watch
a lot of TV
You probably lost touch with
your old pal during the summer and that’s OK. This is
your chance to get reacquainted. The fall season is in full
swing, and the weekend is full of sports. If you’ve got
a little money saved up, there is no real reason to get off
your couch until Thanksgiving. Personally, I’m looking
forward to the Simpsons season premier this Sunday (last week’s
Halloween thing does NOT count). With the baseball playoffs
on stupid FOX, we have had to wait far too long, but the time
has finally come.
Good luck out there, I truly
hope you are able to endure the weeks ahead. Of course I realize
snow could fly tomorrow and this list would be irrelevant. Should
that happen, don’t forget No. 5. TV needs you.
This week’s
sign that the end is near: A while back I heard word
of a new law called Colorado No Call. It’s a list that
telemarketers are forced to buy that contains phone numbers
of Colorado residents they are forbidden to call. Anyone can
get on this list and it’s free. I immediately signed up
and have enjoyed peaceful evenings ever since.
Then election season comes
along, and every night I’m getting two or three calls
from hopeful candidates, most of them prerecorded. It seems
the very people who made this “no call” law somehow
exempted themselves. Yet another reason why voters are so apathetic.
Do you wanna mow my lawn?
mpsheahan@yahoo.com
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