Rob Lawrence of Sunnyside Farms Market
Interesting Facts: Plays guitar and
banjo, but not quite as well as he washes dishes
Years in the industry: 19
I live in the Washington D.C. area and only read your local
paper online because I have a “friend” who lives
in Durango and I like to keep tabs on the local hub-bub for
conversational purposes. During the stressful times of your
local wildfires, I always kept in touch with my “friend”
to check on his well being. But when the sniper was shooting
people in my neighborhood I didn’t hear one word out of
my “friend.” No e-mails, no phone calls. Not even
a smoke signal from your fires. I feel angry that he didn’t
check on me. Do you think I should be angry and how should I
approach him about this?
– Dan Gohr
College Park, MD via e-mail
Stop whining and worrying about yourself all the time, it’s
down right childish! Give your “friend” a call;
I’m sure he has a good reason for not staying in touch.
Is Kenny G. a legitimate jazz musician?
– Your friend,
Yes, Kenny G. is, in fact, a legitimate jazz musician. I celebrate
the guy’s entire catalog. He’s in a league all his
own with the likes of Yanni and John Tesh. His ability to blow
is second to none. The way his lips caress the reed and coax
the song from his horn is almost sensual. Christmas is right
around the corner, and remember Kenny G. always makes a good
– Happy listening,
For the past few months, I have been sharing an office with
an extremely forthcoming woman. On her first day she enlightened
me with the dramatic goings on of her menstrual issues. Since
then I have been enduring a detailed play-by-play of a mysterious
fungus that appeared on her foot and has since progressed up
her leg, and so forth (I will spare you the colorful details.)
My favorite morsel is the story of when she was an infant and
her parents found her in the woods encircled by a pack of wild
dogs, which has led her to believe that she is a witch. Being
a witch, she routinely puts death curses on anyone who crosses
her (she claims two of them have worked!) Then there are her
“anger issues,” notably road rage. The woman babbles
incessantly and is given to sudden gaseous outbursts. Did I
mention the fungus? Please, venerable Diver, tell me what to
do. How can I tastefully get her to shut the hell up? As for
the “witch” thing ... should I throw her in the
fountain and see if she floats?
– Sincerely yours,
overinformed in L.A.
Your “incessant babbling” has caused me to wonder,
are you talking about yourself?
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a
Seek help from the master
of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little
messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." -
By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave.,
Durango, CO 81301;
by email at email@example.com,
or by fax at 259-0448.
Why do people sue tobacco companies when they know damn well
smoking is and always has been bad for you? I know humans
can be stupid, but are they THAT stupid?
Hermosa, via email
Yes, humans can be that stupid, especially when wondering
whether or not Kenny G. is a legitimate jazz musician, when
we all know how great the man truly is. Happy smoking!
– Yours in
Are you familiar with Mary Kate and Ashley Olson? They are
those twins who played the baby in that awful TV show “Full
House.” Well, they are growing up and beginning to well,
develop nicely. I often leer at them while watching their
movies with my girlfriend’s children. Am I a pervert?
– A random guy in Grandview
Dear Random Guy,
First of all, “Full House” is a classic. Uncle
Jesse’s mullet truly defined late-80s fashion. Second,
if by pervert you mean a guy who is innocently aroused by
beauty, then no, you are not a pervert. If however, you mean
a guy who watches kid’s shows with kids and lusts after
pre-teen girls, then yes, you are a pervert.