| Diver:
Steve Morris from Homeslice Pizza
Interesting facts: Between pushing
pizza, doing dishes and giving advice, Morris hunts out the
truth and plans to uncover every government secret swept under
the rug since the Lincoln administration.
Dear Diver,
I’m a new FLC student and my student loan finally came
in. The check is in my hand. I’m sweating. Should I go
to a snow board shop and buy all new snowboard gear or should
I buy school supplies and deodorant? I’m also thinking
about my first tattoo.
– Sincerely,
Temporarily Rich
Dear Temporarily Rich,
Hold off on the tattoo, bum school supplies from the guy sitting
next to you, and one of your roommates has deodorant around
for you. However, YOU need to be responsible for your own gear
during snowboard season.
– See you on the mountain,
Diver
Dear Diver,
Are flu shots the real deal, I mean, will they keep me healthy
during the coming winter or are they a total scam like sea monkeys
and pet rocks?
– Jim,
Durango via email
Jim,
As a diver at CIA headquarters in Dubai in the late ’70s,
I uncovered startling facts regarding flu shots. All I can say
is DO NOT GET ONE, no matter what anyone tells you.
– Thanks, Diver
Dear Diver,
My girlfriend wants to get a shih-tzu. What the hell is a shih-tzu?
Am I stupid for not knowing?
– Walt,
Hermosa via emai
Walt,
Such naivete to eastern medicinal practice is not uncommon amongst
westerners. A shih-tzu is actually a cleansing ritual made popular
by the 12th Dalai Lama’s third rinpoche. I think you’ll
find it very beneficial to your girlfriend’s health.
– Good Luck,
Diver
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a
sticky situation?
Seek help from the master
of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little
messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." -
By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave.,
Durango, CO 81301;
by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
Last night I accidentally ripped the tag off my mattress.
I hear this is a federal offense. Should I be scared, perhaps
leave the country, or turn myself in? Sincerely,
– Future Fugitive
from Gem Village
Dear Future Fugitive,
Unfortunately it is a federal offense put in place by the
government to help facilitate the privatized prison industry
by creating more criminals. Certainly the beacon inside your
mattress has alerted the authorities by now, so you should
run like the wind.
– Enjoy Mexico,
The Diver
Dear Diver,
My friends laugh at me. My mom once said “if your friends
laugh at you then they’re not really your friends.”
Personally, I think that’s a load of junk. However,
moms are sometimes right. What do you think?
– Joey, Durango
Joey,
I suspect your mother was neither funny nor friendly. Ignore
her advice.
– Diver
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