Week's Diver-Buc from Legends Pizza
Years in the industry-15
volunteered to be the weekly diver (“Beats dishes,”
I think my boyfriend loves his dog more than me. Lately when
I ask him to come over to my house he says something like “I’m
giving the dog a bath” or “I’m walking Ranger.”
Is this a typical male infatuation with animals, or am I doing
something to send him in the opposite direction?
– Breanne Ralston,
Diver wasn’t aware animal infatuation was a male-only
trait, but it does sound like Ranger is a priority to your beau.
Do you like washing dogs?
I have been 86-ed from most of the bars here in town because
apparently I get loaded and bother people. Recently, it was
because I was overserved White Russians and margaritas. I’m
attempting to lay off the sauce, but how can I redeem myself
in the eyes of bar owners and bouncers? Any advice is greatly
– Todd in Durango,
To sauce or not to sauce? While bothering others is generally
unacceptable unless you are King George W. Bush sucking up to
bar owners and doormen is a great way to skip unnecessary cover
– Keep saucing,
Is it OK to cruise the highways for roadkill? I mean, if a car
hits a deer, do I need to check with local authorities if I
want to take it for food, or is roadkill available on a first-killed,
– Jim Lampe,
This leads to a barrage of questions. Deer and elk only? What
about skunk, prairie dog, bear and pigeon? Diver says if your
wingspan allows you to elude authorities, first-come, first-served!
– Happy dining,
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a
Seek help from the master
of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little
messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." -
By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave.,
Durango, CO 81301;
by email at email@example.com,
or by fax at 259-0448.
My father in law recently asked me along on a hunting expedition.
Only problem is, as a vegetarian I am morally and spiritually
opposed to hunting wild animals. Should I go along just to
strengthen a family bond and get drunk with my redneck family
members or stand my ground and look like a sissy?
– Yours truly,
A concerned tree hugger
from Hesperus, via Email
Dear Tree Hugger,
Getting drunk with rednecks? Just make your best veggie dish
that will “blow away” whatever dead carcass lies
next to it.
Two weeks ago, my bike was stolen. Last night, I saw it was
on the porch next to my friend’s house. Is it OK to
steal it back or should I call the authorities and jump through
their hoops to retrieve what is rightfully mine? I want my
– Lori Zembowski,
The police are busy with dog ordinances, skateboard fines,
etc. Just re-acquire your possessions and leave the neighbors
the ol’ “flaming bag-o-poo.”