This Week's Diver-Buc from Legends Pizza

Years in the industry-15

Interesting facts-Actually volunteered to be the weekly diver (“Beats dishes,” he said.)

Dear Diver,
I think my boyfriend loves his dog more than me. Lately when I ask him to come over to my house he says something like “I’m giving the dog a bath” or “I’m walking Ranger.” Is this a typical male infatuation with animals, or am I doing something to send him in the opposite direction?

– Breanne Ralston,

Diver wasn’t aware animal infatuation was a male-only trait, but it does sound like Ranger is a priority to your beau. Do you like washing dogs?

– Yours,

Dear Diver,
I have been 86-ed from most of the bars here in town because apparently I get loaded and bother people. Recently, it was because I was overserved White Russians and margaritas. I’m attempting to lay off the sauce, but how can I redeem myself in the eyes of bar owners and bouncers? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

– Todd in Durango,
via email

To sauce or not to sauce? While bothering others is generally unacceptable unless you are King George W. Bush sucking up to bar owners and doormen is a great way to skip unnecessary cover charges.

– Keep saucing,

Dear Diver,
Is it OK to cruise the highways for roadkill? I mean, if a car hits a deer, do I need to check with local authorities if I want to take it for food, or is roadkill available on a first-killed, first-served basis?

– Jim Lampe,
Gem Village

This leads to a barrage of questions. Deer and elk only? What about skunk, prairie dog, bear and pigeon? Diver says if your wingspan allows you to elude authorities, first-come, first-served!

– Happy dining,


Steve from Cuckoos taking a strong position on dishes.

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,
My father in law recently asked me along on a hunting expedition. Only problem is, as a vegetarian I am morally and spiritually opposed to hunting wild animals. Should I go along just to strengthen a family bond and get drunk with my redneck family members or stand my ground and look like a sissy?

– Yours truly,
A concerned tree hugger
from Hesperus, via Email

Dear Tree Hugger,
Getting drunk with rednecks? Just make your best veggie dish that will “blow away” whatever dead carcass lies next to it.

– Thanks,

Dear Diver,
Two weeks ago, my bike was stolen. Last night, I saw it was on the porch next to my friend’s house. Is it OK to steal it back or should I call the authorities and jump through their hoops to retrieve what is rightfully mine? I want my bike.

– Lori Zembowski,

The police are busy with dog ordinances, skateboard fines, etc. Just re-acquire your possessions and leave the neighbors the ol’ “flaming bag-o-poo.”

– Good luck,




News Index Second Index Opinion Index Classifieds Index Contact Index