Ask the Diver
Diver-Steve Gould of Cuckoos
Years in the industry-15
Claim to fame-Encore performance of THE DIVER

Dear Diver,
I am a former Durango resident now US ARMY corporal stationed at the Diego Garcia Air Base south of the Persian Gulf. Currently I make $680 a month as a foot soldier here in the Middle East. I need to know, who the hell do these major league baseball players (and other pro athletes for that matter) think they are, bitching over millions of dollars to play a stupid game, when I’m out here defending freedom for less than $1,000 a month? I think we should round up all the players in the major and professional leagues and draft them. However, you may have a better answer. Basically, all of us in the military are pissed at the selfishness and arrogance of professional athletes. What should be done?
Yours in freedom and democracy,
Cpl. Jack Salb,
Via email.

Whew Corporal,
That’s a long-winded question. Well Jack, unlike yourself, professional athletes have an excruciatingly dangerous job. Getting up every morning for a two-hour massage and hitting the hot tub for another half hour can wear down the body and soul. Never mind the stressful travel on the custom chartered and catered jets. It’s only a game, but somebody has to do it. Somebody has to take one for the team.
Good luck and thanks,
Diver.

Dear Diver,
My boss recently caught me reading The Telegraph while I was on the clock. He threatened to let me go if it happens again, but your paper gets me through long afternoons out here at the button factory. Should I just ignore my boss, and risk my job?
Jon McDougal,
Hermosa.